


wake up to the rhythm of the city (and i try to remember)

by imnayeons



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Idols, anyways fellas it's gay, like light angst but ultra light, nayeon is mf in love w momo, why do i love writing introspection so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 11:48:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19767577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnayeons/pseuds/imnayeons
Summary: In which Nayeon forgets meeting Momo, and she can’t let it go.





	wake up to the rhythm of the city (and i try to remember)

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in like 2017 and never finished it til now lol anyways here u go namonators (title from blue coupe by twin peaks)

Nayeon had been too tired to remember the day Momo came to the company.

Training days, for most idols, were just a haze; Nayeon remembers it as a blur of blood, sweat, and tears—school in the morning was tiring enough, but in the evening she had to sing until her vocal cords almost gave, dance until her feet couldn’t anymore, take every type of lesson she could, and study for the college entrance exams when all of that was done. In fact, she can barely recall her seventeenth birthday, or her first date with her first boyfriend, or what she did first after Sixteen ended.

Those dull, washed-out memories shouldn’t be misconstrued for complete disdain—she still remembers some things, like buying milk for the younger kids, or coffee dates with YG kids after being pitted against each other during practice, or messing around on Got7’s music video sets. It’s just that it had been hard, and with the new addition of Twice in her life, she hadn’t had time to think about anything besides _now, tomorrow, the years following._

It’s not as if Nayeon’s memory had purposefully forgotten the younger girl’s arrival; it’s just that she can remember _some_ things, not _everything_. Besides, she can’t remember when Sana came, either, or when Dahyun came, or Chaeyoung—there had just been so much _work_ she had to do, so much practice, so much studying, that she just didn’t have time for things like new foreigners who could only say _hello_ and _I’m from Japan_ without stuttering, who she didn’t know how long she’d even see for. 

Two years into Twice is when she realizes this lapse in recollection; they’re sitting in the waiting room of a studio, worn out from playing Mafia, and Jihyo, ever the sentimentalist, brings up trainee accidents.

“...and Taecyeon oppa made me buy him coffee _again_. I was _ten!_ ” she exclaims, and Jeongyeon laughs openly. 

“That’s what twelve years gets you. Anyways, don’t you remember when I almost tore PD-nim’s favorite concert outfit? I really thought I was about to be dropped by the company.”

It goes on for minutes until Momo pipes in with the time she accidentally mixed up _hair and makeup_ with _seafood platter_ and that the Music Bank staff had brought her out crab instead and the stylists had all laughed until they cried, and Nayeon thinks, _huh_. 

It’s odd. She’s usually the expert, out of all of them, of Momo’s habits, her favorites, what she hates, but everyone now seems to remember this one event but her. She doesn’t know why it bothers her so much; people forget things, times get busy, but as everyone talks about their favorite predebut Momo moments, she can’t help but feel alone in it.

She’s still thinking about it, days after. What was Momo like before she actually knew her, before they got past cordial nods and the barest of exchanges? Was she as shy as she thought she was, or outgoing and friendly? Why was she so distracted by the dim cloud of her own life going by to notice?

It’s so vexing to her because predebut Nayeon was in no way the same person as the current version of Nayeon; predebut Nayeon had a dream burning through her so hard she would do anything to get close to the golden gates of their real debut, staying up countless nights trying to get her pitch just right, or work on dance steps until her feet ached, or practiced her syllables in the mirror until she forgot how to speak. Predebut Nayeon was that much more cold, focused, aloof than herself now, and if Nayeon could change so immensely since then, what about Momo? The fact that there’s an entire version of Momo that Nayeon didn’t get to know makes her feel like something’s broken off inside her.

In the process of analyzing all these emotions, she ends up going hours, days without speaking to Momo, because she can’t face up to it, this lapse in realization, what feels to her a betrayal of what they have. 

“Why do you care so much?” says Jihyo, mouth full of shrimp crackers when Nayeon spills all of it to her. 

“Because, I’m—it’s— _important_.” 

Jihyo raises one eyebrow at her, halts her chewing for one second. “But is it really though?” 

Nayeon’s about to respond to her with heat, but Jihyo beats her to it. “I don’t remember when Dahyun came. Or Mina. I only remember Sana because she tripped right in front of me and almost made me drop my coffee. And I’m sure they don’t care about it, because it’s part of our life, and I’m also sure Momo’s not the only one you forgot. So let me ask you again: why do you care so much?” 

Nayeon can only sit there, quiet as their empty training room, and something turns inside of her. Every word of what Jihyo says is right, but she doesn’t want it to be. Because then she has to deal with a whole new host of issues: the processing of all her emotions, the examination of everything she’s ever felt or anytime she’s ever done anything to do with Momo, the actualization of everything she’s tried to ignore.

Jihyo, finished with her crackers, gets up, presumably to throw the package away, and walks towards the door. “Talk to her, also. She misses you and doesn’t know what to do, and you know Momo.” 

That’s right. She does know Momo, even if she didn’t know her then, and she feels like the dumbest person alive when she realizes that current Momo is definitely feeling confused and dejected and is most likely staying away from her because she thinks that’s what Nayeon wants. Shit. This is the problem with Nayeon, what she’s been trying to fix with Momo: she’s not used to her actions affecting other people in substantial ways, because throughout all of her trainee life everyone’s been as closed off as they could, because it’s much too hard to handle everything otherwise. Sometimes she thinks Momo is the strongest person alive, because she’s decidedly one of the most sensitive among them, and has mostly retained that sensitivity up to their current stage in their careers. It’s a feat that Nayeon would never be able to accomplish—she’s had to put a shell around herself to make everything manageable, to allow the world in just enough so it won’t touch her. It’s one of the things Nayeon loves most about Momo; she’s the most dynamic person Nayeon knows, soft and die-hard committed all at once, and— 

Oh. Wait. Nayeon loves Momo.

So that’s why this has been so distressing to her. There’s no getting around it, she thinks; she’s been trying to avoid definitively coming to this conclusion for the longest time possible, but it’s painful to do so now. Oh, God, she thinks. Everything in her head seems like it’s running at each other, mixing up like pieces of an overturned puzzle, and she doesn’t know what to do.

 _See Momo_ , something tells her, and as the only coherent thought in her mind, she has no choice but to follow it. 

Momo is in the practice room, as she always is, and it takes Nayeon a full seven minutes to work up the courage to even open the door instead of staring through the glass of it. 

The music’s on full blast, and Momo seems to be trying to work out some step sequence that doesn’t remind Nayeon of anything they’re learning now, so she assumes it’s something of her own creation. Her limbs are lithe as she shifts all around, coordinated and powerful and even what’s definitely just a draft to Momo looks incredible. She’s so talented it should be upsetting, but to Nayeon it just sparks immense pride; she wants to shout to the world sometimes _hey, look at what Momo did, look at how amazing she is, appreciate her as much as I do._ Because no matter what she’ll always be Momo’s number one fan.

She steps in, gulps, gets it over with. “Hey.”

Momo looks at her through the mirrored wall. “Hey.”

She finishes her move, walks to turn off the music, angles herself towards Nayeon. “So?” and Nayeon hates how low she looks right now.

“I just,” Nayeon searches for anything to swim through her head, “I just want you to know that you didn’t do anything. Sorry I’ve been like this recently. I’m just...dumb, and bad at dealing with things.” 

Momo lets out a breath, some kind of half sigh, and twists her hands together. “I wish you would just come to me. You know I’m here, right? I’ll give you whatever space you need, but don’t forget that.” 

Dammit. Nayeon can’t deal with this. Why did she have to fall for the single nicest person alive? She should be yelling at Nayeon for ignoring her, but instead she’s doing this. Dammit.

Nayeon hasn’t said anything in a minute, just stood there with her mouth slightly ajar, and Momo steps forward, takes Nayeon’s hands in her own. “Hey,” she says, that much softer. “You don’t have to worry about me, also. Jihyo let me know, and it’s alright.” 

Damn Jihyo. That was supposed to be top-secret classified best friend information. 

“I, just,” Nayeon looks down, takes in how well their hands fit together. “I just, I should know, it's you, and I—” 

And then she can't say anything, because Momo’s lips are on hers, and it's the softest thing she's ever experienced, and all her thoughts are just _Momo, Momo, Momo,_ and she can finally admit to herself how much she's wanted this. And their hands are still linked and then Momo moves away, just a bit, and places her forehead on Nayeon’s, and her eyes are still closed, and its the prettiest sight Nayeon has ever seen, and God, she's in deep. 

“It's okay,” breathes out Momo, eyes fluttering open. It's strange how Nayeon’s heart pulls at the sight of it. 

Nayeon thinks there couldn’t be anything more perfect than this moment: the two of them together, the empty quiet of the practice room around them, this girl in front of her and how she would do anything for her, knock all the stars out of the sky if she asked, and she just takes it in. 

“I’m here,” she whispers again, looking straight into Nayeon’s eyes, and it’s Nayeon who pulls closer this time, and she finally lets herself go.

**Author's Note:**

> also ik this isn’t entirely accurate and they were friends but whatever its writing i can do what i want. anyways say hi on twt @egoistjpg !


End file.
